We Are Already Doing That

I said to my husband tonight, "I just want to live a long and happy life with you and the boys," as tears welled in my eyes while we lay in bed.

He gently replied,

"We are already doing that."

That was all it took to stop the puddle forming in my eyes before it spilled down my face.

It was such a powerful response from him, and one of the reasons I was drawn to him all those years ago. His words have always carried substance. I never imagined they would one day soothe my heart and quieten my mind in the middle of a terminal cancer diagnosis.

What he said didn't erase the uncertainty that comes with living with terminal cancer, but it shifted my attention from a future that none of us can guarantee to the life that is already happening right now.

In five simple words, he stopped me in my tracks before my mind disappeared into another downhill nighttime spiral.

It was a reminder that the thing you're longing for isn't only something in the distance—it's also something you're living today.

That perspective can be surprisingly grounding when the night terrors arrive. It doesn't deny the fear. It simply acknowledges that despite the diagnosis, our family is still sharing dinners, laughing, arguing, making memories, watching our boys grow, loving one another... mingled with a few swear words too.

Those moments count as the life I have always wanted.

Cancer has taught me many things, but perhaps one of the most important is this: fear has a way of convincing us that life is something we're waiting to get back.

Sometimes all we need is to be gently brought back to the present before our minds wander too far into the "what ifs."

Sometimes you don't need statistics.

Sometimes you don't need reassurance that everything will be okay.

Sometimes you simply need someone you love to remind you that your life hasn't stopped.

From the middle,

Caley x